Wednesday, May 21, 2014

two weeks.

i've been thirty for two weeks now. and everything seems pretty much the same. it really is just a number after all. but this post inspired me to write down a few things here that are different (i could write an equally long list of things that aren't - but that's not where i want to focus my energy). so here's what i am doing...imperfectly...bobbing up and down in this ocean we can call life, showing up and doing my work. because that's all we can do. every. damn. day. and i'm here to tell you it's worth it. because from the outside things might look the same as last year but the insides are where it's at anyway, and i'm proud to say i've starting changing that landscape..starting with the way i talk to myself.

i am:
- meditating, almost, daily...even if it's just five minutes. i am learning the power of being present to my feelings, which ultimately grant me freedom from all that s h i t that gets clogged up in your heart and head.

- focusing my energy and thoughts on what i want not on what i don't want.

- practicing compassion towards my self and not just mindfulness. this is like the missing link people. mindfulness + compassion = freedom

- responding to ________________ (fill in the blank with anything) in a way that aligns with my values.

- accepting what is happening in the present moment and understanding that does not mean it's "okay". there is a difference, and that in itself is mindblowing.

- letting go of the stories. they are in the past. focusing instead on how i'm feeling now, instead of rehashing what happened then. knowing full well this is super comforting and safe for my little brain to do. old habits die hard.

- being okay with not being okay.

- being more okay than i actually realize that i am.

- learning i literally have no control over anything. i can make choices, but ultimately things are out of my control. this is hard for a control freak. try that one on for size. thirty or not, it's a big one to get down with.

- listening to myself. because i really do know the answer, it's always in the stillness. that's the catch though, you've got to sit still long enough to hear it.

- becoming my own best friend. because, that's who you've got. all day, err day.

i could probably keep going...or start adding things like - i still can't seem to take vitamins everyday; i'm not thinner; i'm not making more money; i'm not in love - but i am doing my best. that's all anyone can ever ask of you.

so if you made it this far, thanks for reading! wherever you are on your journey i pray that you have the courage to show up, do the work and know you are enough. just as you are. we're all in this together.

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