i do what i want

As per A Cup of Jo, a note on flying solo this holiday season:

Good Thing 3: You get to do whatever you want
Don't feel like splitting time between your and a significant other's families? Or going to see the newest action movie on Christmas Day? Great! You don't have to. Do exactly what you want, single friend. Just do you.

In that case, I'm going to get a sunburn. See you ten days Lisa! xx

the fault in our stars

whew lots going on over here; is it due to the full moon in taurus this month?!

or maybe it's because november is the month of healing and completion. 

(how great is that? seriously? making way for the inner light of december, YES.)

it could also be this article. i swear one of these days i'll start an articles club for all my badass babes out there. because, i mean, who has time to read a book? 

(er, well i did just finish this, and returned it to the library ON TIME.)

you know what though, it's probably because this is all i've been listening too. 

(she's the taylor to my swift.)

off to spend some time on my mat during this crazy cool confusing full moon nonsense, it just seems like the right thing to do. 

namaste bitches xx

worth your weight the gold of meditation

this summer season has been one of much time with myself. for myself. by myself. 

it has also been a season of silence; sitting and seeing with my eyes closed.

this has lead to sorting through lots of stuff. deciding what to keep and what to let go of.

meditation is the medication you need to take when you finally sit down to sift through your stuff.

this article perfectly describes what meditation is all about and what it is NOT. so, it's worth the read if you're stuck on a slippery mind you can't seem to catch. 

so cheers to the "summer of stuff". i'm liking what i see.

xx

c

just saying

seriously though. needed this reminder.

tune in tuesday

guys, i'm 30 and i wear $30 undies. that's the sign of a legit woman right? except that i find myself eating a huge helping of crow right now because i can't get enough of kings of leon (UGH. WHAT. IS. MY. LIFE.). i don't know, i'm just saying, the mechanical bull album hit some chord in my soul and i now i can't stop. i even took it on a run last night, and let me tell you it was great.

so, goes to show, old dogs can learn new tricks.

xx
c

two weeks.

i've been thirty for two weeks now. and everything seems pretty much the same. it really is just a number after all. but this post inspired me to write down a few things here that are different (i could write an equally long list of things that aren't - but that's not where i want to focus my energy). so here's what i am doing...imperfectly...bobbing up and down in this ocean we can call life, showing up and doing my work. because that's all we can do. every. damn. day. and i'm here to tell you it's worth it. because from the outside things might look the same as last year but the insides are where it's at anyway, and i'm proud to say i've starting changing that landscape..starting with the way i talk to myself.

i am:
- meditating, almost, daily...even if it's just five minutes. i am learning the power of being present to my feelings, which ultimately grant me freedom from all that s h i t that gets clogged up in your heart and head.

- focusing my energy and thoughts on what i want not on what i don't want.

- practicing compassion towards my self and not just mindfulness. this is like the missing link people. mindfulness + compassion = freedom

- responding to ________________ (fill in the blank with anything) in a way that aligns with my values.

- accepting what is happening in the present moment and understanding that does not mean it's "okay". there is a difference, and that in itself is mindblowing.

- letting go of the stories. they are in the past. focusing instead on how i'm feeling now, instead of rehashing what happened then. knowing full well this is super comforting and safe for my little brain to do. old habits die hard.

- being okay with not being okay.

- being more okay than i actually realize that i am.

- learning i literally have no control over anything. i can make choices, but ultimately things are out of my control. this is hard for a control freak. try that one on for size. thirty or not, it's a big one to get down with.

- listening to myself. because i really do know the answer, it's always in the stillness. that's the catch though, you've got to sit still long enough to hear it.

- becoming my own best friend. because, that's who you've got. all day, err day.

i could probably keep going...or start adding things like - i still can't seem to take vitamins everyday; i'm not thinner; i'm not making more money; i'm not in love - but i am doing my best. that's all anyone can ever ask of you.

so if you made it this far, thanks for reading! wherever you are on your journey i pray that you have the courage to show up, do the work and know you are enough. just as you are. we're all in this together.

eight days and counting.

oh hai. just riding my bike on the boards. wish this is what i was doing right now!

instead: reading this, gearing up for this and listening to this.

xoxo
c

vanishing act.

i know, i left you again. but if you're following along on instagram, it's like a daily blog update in itself.

today this kid turns six. six just sounds so much older than five. five is the land of little boys and cute toddler stuff. but six, six is the real deal. it's a "closed" sign for your bedroom door, shyness when your aunt comes to visit and loving batman instead of elmo. but six is also amazing because you still shriek "i have a red balloon, i have a red balloon" and run around the house with it, and nothing in that moment can make you happier than having a red balloon on your birthday. or really, any day.

so, let's all channel that kind of joy. being six and having a red balloon on your birthday.

happy day to my sweet six year old cooper. i love you more than rock and roll and pizza.

turkish figs for the win.

- the snack delivery challenge was accepted and it's organic turkish figs for the win! omg they are soooo good, and as much as i love a drive by latte and cookie drop at work, this fits with the gentle cleanse i'm doing. thank you friend!

- *pretty* much sticking to my plan...might be sipping on a decaf iced coffee right now, with almond milk of course.

- got my butt to spin class and sweated out some more sugar and carbs. those suckers are addicting.

- droped the ball on meditating and oil pulling again, but did finally watch catfish like 100 years later. and OMG. i am so late to that party.

- had a moment where i found myself totally stressing about something that really is so not a big deal, and the outcome is out of my control. so i acknowledged it, let it go and moved forward.

thirty till thirty.

in the spirit of preparing to put a damn good and grueling decade behind me, i'm here to check in and show up for the next thirty days. we all know i have one speed - full steam ahead - so why not commit to come back to blogging too?

so, it will be a journal type of setting - documenting the good, bad, ugly, beautiful, kind and generous; for the next thirty days.

first up: monday, april 7

- crappy, rainy cold day.
- boot still on foot (two more weeks).
- four more weeks until i run.
- spin class theme "goodbye". am reminded this is exactly where i need to be at this moment.
- started mini-cleanse to clean up my act...as well as mind and soul.
- surprised my favorite four year old with pink and purple balloons and boa. made her squeal "sanks aunt christin!" best part of my day.
- said "no" to something as to not stretch myself too thin.
- did not meditate (there's always tomorrow).
- found two white hairs in less than 24 hours. mom says they are hairs of wisdom.
- this mug, because it made me smile then and now, even though everything is different.